


Fraternization

by tengoswengo



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Family Feels, Gen, in which leo and raph are big ol dum dums, with a lot of emotional constipation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-25 16:19:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18578101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tengoswengo/pseuds/tengoswengo
Summary: Leo says something that gets Raph to shut up for once





	Fraternization

**Author's Note:**

> i have a lot of feels for turtle family dynamics

“You know Raph, if you weren’t my brother I wouldn’t think twice about letting you go in there, but you are and because of that I have a duty to you and a duty to Splinter.”

Leo said it a week ago. 

After years of punches thrown in anger and frustration and harsh snipes, undermining of abilities and skills and orders and plans. Out of all those traded jabs and blows on so many different fields and levels.

It was this one that got Raph to flinch.

Leo isn’t really thinking about it when he says it. It’s said in part, out of a reflex of anger. Because Raph wears on him, he does. Constantly fighting and digging and prodding at him. Sticking him with needlelike comments and acts of defiance until the carefully mediated self-control slips and Leo lets out a sentence as ugly as the expression on his face.

Mikey and Donnie stiffen behind him and shrink back away from what everyone is sure is a steadily brewing fight. However, Raph doesn’t respond. His expression deadens. His mouth closes into a thin line and doesn’t open again.

He does not regret it instantly. Because at first it feels like a win. Raph shuts up, not just for the moment but for the entire rest of the mission. He doesn’t object. Just does his part and Leo can only, in that moment, feel relief and a bit of enjoyment at the respite from Raph’s barrage of antagonism. 

Donnie is the first one to comment on it.

“There’s something off about Raph,” he says a few days after the mission while he was giving Leo an update on their security systems.

“It’s probably just one of his moods,” Leo says as he eyes the security cameras to make sure they all have optimal coverage.

“He’s not angry though, it isn’t like one of those,” Donnie says contemplatively. Those referring to one of Raph’s sullen moods where he was brooding something and his emotions became more black and volatile than usual.

“I haven’t really seen him like this since Slash.”

That gives Leo pause for thought. For weeks after slash Raph had walked around like a zombie. Listless. Unmotivated. Very un-Raph. Even Mikey’s obnoxious pranks couldn’t stir him to life. It took time and gentle guidance from their father for him to recover.

“I can’t imagine why, we’ve barely done anything of late.”

Don shrugged, “Raph is Raph. I doubt even he understands why he is upset half the time.”

Leo laughed, “You’re probably not wrong.”

It gets more apparent that something is off by dinnertime. Raph comes, he sits, he picks at his food. They regale Splinter of their latest mission and where Raph would usually be interjecting or arguing, he is silent.

Afterwards Mikey is left with a TV to himself for once as Don goes back to the lab, Leo goes to meditate and Raph goes to bed.

Practice sparring goes. Mikey is paired with Raph and it seems that the two have switched attention spans. Raph is caught off guard more times in one bout than Mikey has probably ever managed to catch him in an entire week.

It ends with him landing roughly on his shell skittering across the floor as Mikey lands an unintentionally hard blow. With the attack so telegraphed he honestly expected Raph to catch it or at least be able to soften the blow.

Mikey walks over to him, offering his hand, “Dude, are you okay?”

Raph grunts and gets up and shrugs him off.

The rest of the bouts drag out rather miserably and when it ends Leo has a laundry list of critiques for Raph which he runs down while the other looks spaced out.

By noon Leo has noticed something off about his brother.

Mikey is terribly antsy and throws him not so inconspicuous glances as they bump into each other more times than usual around the lair. Finally, after lunch he asks, “Hey Leo can you help me with the dishes?”

Leo obliges, bustling into the compact space that is their kitchen to help Mikey with the unruly stack of dishes piled up by the sink.

“Something up, you seem extra squirrely today?” Leo asks.

“I think somethings really wrong with Raph.”

“Did you talk to him?” Leo says absentmindedly as he pics up a plate and examines it.

“I don’t think it’s an issue with me, I think he’s upset with you,” Mikey says as he fidgets with the bottle of dish soap, capping and uncapping it repeatedly.

“Okay, I’ll go talk to him after I finish up here,” Leo says with a tinge of annoyance.

“He isn’t going to just tell you, come on Leo, it’s Raph he probably doesn’t even know how much he is hurting.”

“Well I can’t help him if he doesn’t tell me what it is,” Leo says dismissively as he turns to pick up another plate and work away at the grime encasing it.

“I think it's what you said to him right before last mission,” Mikey interjects after a brief period of silence.

Leo pauses for thought and blinks.

“I’ve said way worse to him and him me. No way is he butthurt over that.”

“I dunno Leo,” Mikey said looking nervous. “I think this one was different.”

“How?” Leo asks, barely suppressing an aggravated eyeroll.

“It's like you were saying blood and a shell was the only thing you two had keeping you from killing each other.”

Leo snorted, “That’s not far off.”

Mikey looked at him for a long moment without speaking before turning back to the dishes and shaking his head, mumbling “Jeez Leo, I'd be hurt too if you were saying stuff like that about me.”

“You’d never drag that out of me. Raph is different,” Leo says as he dries the plate and puts it away.

“Yeah well, Raph seems to feel the same as me on this point,” Mikey says and then this time when the silence resumes, he doesn’t break it.

The uneasy tension stretches out through the week. Raph is silent, self-contained and slow to rise to any bait. He isn’t sulking. Raph’s sulks were like a slow brewing anger that eventually boiled over into rage, hot billowing spiteful rage. And cold reserved fury wasn’t it either. He just looked kind of deflated. Lifeless.

Something about that unnerved Leo and even though Mikey looked at him pointedly and then at Raph, Leo ignored him and continued to pretend like things were all right. He didn’t exactly enjoy the uneasy peace but he wasn’t quite willing to spark it into an outright fight.

He was tired of fighting Raph, and though this was unsettling, it was also easier.

Nonetheless, when Donnie gets a tip off something is up topside, Leo clears the manhole and feels palpable relief at being out of the lair and close spaces with his immediate younger brother. Donnie brings the van around and they load in and with that they’re on the move.

They pull over a few blocks from their intended target and leaping roof to roof it isn’t long before Hun’s hulking figure is in sight and his low rumble of a voice is audible. 

They aren’t quite sure what tips him off, how he seems to know of their presence. But Leo’s senses a presence behind them mere seconds before a metal pipe comes swinging down.

Easily, too easily, Leo kicks the pipe out of his attacker’s hand and with a shout mostly likely from Hun down below, the fray starts.

It’s ragtag and messy, because the dragons themselves are ragtag and messy. Pipes, bats, even the flash of a gun here or there, but in close range and a crowded battleground, melee is the advantage. Mikey and Don get split off from them and Raph and him find themselves holding their own.

“Raph, go with Mike and Don, I can hold them while you guys get back to the van. I can meet you,” Leo ducks a particularly violent swing with a crowbar and punches the attacker in his chest. “At checkpoint A.”

Raph doesn’t respond and for a moment it seems like he is ready to exit the fight and listen to his orders when the glint of something catches his eye and he turns around face full with a look of horror.

“Leo!” 

Leo finds himself bodily slammed out of the air as something bounces off of Raph and he watches as his brother attempts to scramble away in time as the sound of an explosion deafens his hearing temporarily.

Leo watches in still silence as his brother is thrown off his feet, grimace of pain clear on his face. When he comes down it’s with a rather sickening crunch and a sort of otherworldly strangled sound emitting from Raph’s mouth.

“Why would you do that, after I told you-,” Leo cuts himself off. The familiar feeling of frustration is back but this time a wall of raw panic follows it as he surveys the state of his brother.

Not good. Really not good.

“Because I did not want you getting hurt,” Raph say in this bare whisper and his eyes are big and sad and full of pain. He says it simply, like it should be obvious and that tears something in Leo.

When they were small, they were inseparable, Leo and Raph. It was difficult to get them to sleep in separate beds, eat their own meals, take their own baths. Wherever one was, the other was soon to follow.

Leo remembered, whispered stories and secrets under blankets and exploring parts of the sewer together for the first time and trying to sneak extra snacks under Splinter’s nose.

Leo hadn't realized how much he had missed his immediate younger brother looking at him with such open love and admiration until now. When his brother had a chunk missing out of his plastron and what was surely major damage to his carapace.

To be frank, Leo felt like shit. But he swallows it down because his baby brother is in pieces and he’ll run himself through on his own katana before letting this be the end of things.

“C'mon Raph, let's get you home,” he says, gingerly sliding an arm under Raph to try and pull him up. Raph’s grunt is wheezy and high with pain, but he lets him continue to move him without further protest. 

Don spots them and Leo signals that Raph is massively injured and with that Don and Mikey are quickly clearing the scene to pull the van around. Leo gets them to a wall and with that bit of coverage he doesn’t have to worry about their backs. The scene is mostly clear, a few wounded dragons were lingering in clearing out but most were scared off by the explosion.

Typical for a poorly trained, poorly incentivized group of crooks. 

Donnie comes skidding in a few moments later, quickly catching sight of them and pulling a hard sort of doughnut so that the back of the van is close and Raph has to walk as little as possible.

Before he has even reached the van Raph has passed out and is deadweight on Leo’s shoulder.

The rest of the night is a flurry. Mikey’s face immediately goes this ugly chalky color and Leo can’t help the raw pang of guilt he feels as his youngest brother stares at Raph with glassy easy that he rubs at with the back of his hand and he won’t look at Leo, just stares at Raph and watches Don’s hands as he works on assessing the situation and doing the best he can with what’s available in the van.

“I’m probably going to patch in Leatherhead on the way back and get him to help me with this. Raph is critical but as long as we get back to the lair in a timely manner, he’ll be alright.”

Mikey and Leo nod. Donnie starts up the van and with that they are flying across the city weaving through traffic and blowing through freshly turned red lights.

“You’re gong to talk to him. If he wakes up,” It isn’t a question. It’s said in a flat, raw tone as Mikey’s blue eyes stare down at their brother’s mouth where slightly audible snoring can be heard.

Leo nods.

“It’s not just you and Raph in the team y’know. Me and Don have to deal with your fights too. And everyone pays for it when something like this happens. None of us want to see any of us like this.”

Leo again, says nothing, and nods. They’re quiet a long minute and the silence feels bloated. Expectant. Mikey deserves an explanation. Don too. Leo doesn’t have one.

“He didn’t say anything,” Leo said. “He just pushed me out of the way and-.”

Leo stares down at his unconscious brother as the image of him knocked off his feet, the painful landing, the look of pain and fear replay on repeat in his head.

“I don’t understand what happened, you two were fine when we were little,” Mikey says. “But it’s gotten worse and worse, and this, Leo? This isn’t even workable.”

The last sentence hits him like a slap across the face. He was failing them as a leader, failing them as individuals, which is why they were failing as a team. His shoulders slump.

“We were close. But then Splinter said I was leader and Raph always seemed to resent me for that. I always felt like he started hating me after that.”

“Raph doesn’t hate you,” Donnie’s voice sounds from the front seat as he makes a hard left turn.

“Then what would you call it Donatello?” Leo snaps in irritation. Years of dragging his feet, of fighting to the bitter end to resist Leo’s influence, of picking at him over and over.

“He’s holding you accountable. You ever see Raph and I in the garage together? It doesn’t get as heated, but he is just as nitpicky and combative. Raph wants to know why things are being done so he can ensure they’re being done right. And you want to lead without question a lot of the time. He doesn’t always ask the right questions and you don’t always give the right answers. It creates a lot of friction in time sensitive scenarios.”

“Raph may have started pushing you away at some point, but eventually you started pushing him away just as much,” Mikey said. “You had all week to talk to him Leo, yeah he didn’t come to you, but you didn’t go to him either. One of you has got to cave for the sake of all of us.”

They unload Raph and both Leatherhead and Splinter are there to greet them. There is nothing enjoyable about the way their father wordlessly approaches Raph and puts his hands on either side of his face, looking for all the world like he wished he could carry his son’s pain himself.

No matter how many times Leo had seen that expression, it would never get easier. He is up through the night with Mikey as they sit outside Don’s lab. A time or two Mikey goes to the kitchen to brew a pot of coffee or make something for either Don or Leatherhead as one takes a break outside the lab.

At close to four in the morning Mikey goes to the kitchen and comes back with a cup of something and hands it to Leo. It’s tea. Although Leo feels absolutely miserable at the moment, the cup does make him smile.

“Thanks.”

“I don’t hate you either, by the way,” Mikey says seriously, blue eyes boring into Leo’s with a sort of intensity that makes him counterintuitively want to laugh.

“Mike, I don’t think you have it in you to hate anyone,” Leo says with a small sad smile.

“Okay, maybe that’s true, but I get it. I do. Raph is big and mean and difficult. And sometimes really, really, REALLY hard to work with. But he does look up to you a lot Leo.”

“I know he used to, I just don’t understand what happened.”

“Nothing happened, he still looks up to you. He just got sneakier about it. Raph’s got a big head and I don’t think he wants you to know how much he tries to be like you even now.”

Leo takes a sip of his tea, “What makes you say he looks up to me?”

“Well it’s not just you, but Raphie’s got this dopey look he gets whenever one of us does something cool or smart or something. He tries to hide it but I see him do it whenever Don has a brainiac moment or you pull off an extra cool move or I do an extra awesome prank.”

Leo quirks an incredulous eyeridge at that.

“Okay, I may have fudged the last one, but my point is, he’s proud of all of us, he’s just stubborn about voicing it. And it’s not just that….”

Leo looks at Mikey intently as he trails off.

“You’re right about Raph changing after you got assigned leader but I think it’s less to do with him being angry at you and more with him being mad at himself.”

“For what exactly?”

“Maybe he took it as a personal failure. Raph is competitive, so are you, much more than Don and I. Think about how you’d have taken it if Raph had been chosen over you.”

Leo was quiet a moment as he reflected on that.

“So I think hearing that you thought so little of him kind of confirmed his insecurities about his place in the team. But he definitely doesn’t hate you Leo.”

“Thanks Mikey,” Leo says and he pats his brother on the shoulder and smiles warmly at him.

“Anytime bro,” Mikey says with a grin. He stops smiling and Leo realizes how tired and worn his brother looks. He’s slumping down into the seat and looks about ready to pass out then and there.

“And sorry this has all been weighing on you and Don.”

Mikey shrugs with a small grin that is very much Mikey, “Part of being a team, isn’t it? We carry each other’s burdens.”

At an ungodly hour in the morning, Don and Leatherhead emerge, both looking worse for wear. Mikey and Leo perk up at their emergence.

“He’ll be alright. No going topside for months probably, which will drive Raph stir crazy, knowing him, but physically, he’ll be fine. You can go in and see him. Father went to bed a few minutes ago.”

Mikey and Leo get up and go in. Raph looks small against the sweeping empty white of the room. A clutter of used instruments blood spattered gauze and cotton litter the area. But Raph himself is spotless and still sleeping soundly. Mikey lingers a bit, looking Raph over before giving him a soft kiss on the temple and Leo a hug on the way out.

Leo himself pulls up a stray chair and sits next to Raph on it. Without even realizing it, he falls asleep. He wakes up with the image of Raph trying to run from the explosion startling him awake. Staring down at his still sleeping brother, Leo finally cracks.

“I didn’t mean it,” Leo said. Raph is bandaged now, and asleep and that makes this whole honesty and sucking up one’s pride thing a lot easier than it would be if he were awake and looking a lot less vulnerable.

“I didn’t mean that I only looked after you because you are my brother. That all we had was blood. That’s not why….”

Leo’s forehead crinkles with the distress of trying to talk this through, trying to get through this being both fair to himself and Raph.

“I just-,” He struggles again.

“I was angry.”

The simple flat truth sits in the open air and Leo contemplates it for a bit. He and Raph, cut down to their cores had that commonality, though it manifested in different ways.

“I was angry and I’ve gotten so used to trying to hurt you that I forgot that we’re on the same team. And that yes, you are my brother, and my responsibility.”

Leo looks at Raph’s sleeping face a long moment.

“But you’re also my best friend and my second in command. I don’t fight with Mikey and Don as much as I do you, but that doesn’t mean I love you any less. I’m sorry if I told you different, Raph.”

“S’okay Fearless.”

Leo doesn’t even jump at the sound of his voice. His stomach drops as his face heats up.

“I was, uh, supposed to practice that a few times more and then tell you the finalized apology when you woke up,” Leo said with a hint of sheepishness to his voice.

Raph sits up in bed a bit and smiles at him, though traces of pain lingered in his expression, “Well, if ya want to apologize a few more times I wouldn’t exactly be opposed.”

Raph tries to follow that with a raspy chuckle but it ends up at more of a wheeze and Leo is pressing him back into the blankets by his shoulder.

“You aren’t very good at bedrest, that’s the other reason I’m here.”

“The meds are wearin’ off and I can’t exactly get comfortable,” Raph said as he winces at some unseen twinge. 

“Do you want me to get Don?” Leo asks, knowing their brother would know what to give Raph to let him get back to sleep.

“It can wait a minute, I got somethin’ to say to you,” Raph says. For a moment it’s just the sound of Raph’s uneasy labored wheezing in the room. Then Raph looks directly at him.

“Leo?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry I push you so much. I really don’t mean to,” Raph pauses and his brow squinches together as he thinks on it. “S’just my head won’t let me listen until I know why and if it’s a good idea. I just want to know we’ve looked at all the options and I don’t like givin’ up or retreating even if it’s maybe the best thing. It’s hard to stop myself.”

Raph looks down at his hands and Leo knows that look. It was the same look tiny Raph had when he flew into rages and broke a toy or something he really valued, the look that came in the aftermath of all that when he was looking down at the ruins of all that he had done.

Leo had always hugged him when he looked like that, because he looked so sad and desolate and he had never wanted him to be alone in that.

“Your brother’s anger does not stem from apathy or hatred but from misdirected passion,” His father had told him once.

“His emotions often outpace what he himself has the capacity to understand. With that comes great potential, both for destruction and love. As leader, you must do your best to draw the best sides out of all of your brothers and that means working with them to gain deeper understandings of who they are and what they can do.”

Leo, for the first time in what may very well have been years, bent over his brother’s bed and wrapped his arms around Raph’s shoulders, pulling him closer, to hold him close, feel him draw breath and exhale. He holds him there a moment slipping his hand up to the back of his mask to pat it reassuringly, and then he releases him.

“Being leader is not an easy path, Leo.”

Raph is looking at him with genuine warmth in his amber eyes, they catch the light and crackle like fire. Yes, he still looks pale and worn, but the smile that so rarely graces their grumpiest brother’s face is there and with it the unspoken, yet ever diligent love. It is serene and beautiful in its rare and ephemeral nature.

“But for you? I am sure it is the right one.”


End file.
